Dear John,
Get to the financial planner and tell him that you have changed your retirement goals and need a small apartment in Puerto Rico. Our home in Charlotte with the east and west wings may end up being a nice four-square in West End (club your car and make nice with the prostitutes--for now at least) I'm thinking somewhere near to San Juan so we can gawk at tourists like we did at C of C. Tell our unadopted children who I'm sure will be in therapy for the arrangement we will put them in that they are going to need to do well in life because they will be visitin' us in this wonderful US protectorate (so says the guidebooks). Brush up on your Spanish (maybe Santa will put some CD's in your stocking) because that is the only way we'll be able to say " Hey Boy" to those that qualify. To my unofficial neices and nephews...seriously, GaGa and Uncle John will have the most fun place to go for spring break.
Yours in common law,
Senorita (or Senora...I'm no spring chicken) Whitney Neal
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